Friday, February 27, 2009

Why can’t we let go?

I had a friend come to me the other day in distress. She had just talked with her boy friend, who in my opinion is not suited to be with any young women as he is now,
A man under the rule of drinking and seems to be of the mind that women are only here to make him happy.
Sadly though this man has a beautiful girl in love with him and he does not appreciate her, it is easy to tell by what he says and how he treats her, he has little understanding and much rudeness. And yet as she sat on my couch talking to me of some of there troubles she said “I still love him!.... Why is it so hard to let him go?” and I say in deed why is it! I’m not claiming to have all the answers. I’m not even making the claim to say that because a man gets mad at a women and says things that shouldn’t be said. or by some sad means make silly accusations, like most people do when caught up in their tempers. but there are simple truths out there straight in our faces. Like, looking to see how strong his love truly is by how fast and how sincere his apology was or will be.

One of my favorite examples of a man who loved and cared for his wife more then anything was Gordon B Hinkle. A leader of a great organization and yet clearly devoted to the happiness of his wife, he made the statement! “When it comes to marriage, it doesn’t matter who’s right but what is right! And what is right is that we love our wives and they love us and we forgive and forget and be happy.

I’m paraphrasing of course, because I can’t find the article that states that quote but I have read it and agree! Marriage is not the topic here, but how a man or woman treats there significant other in a relationship before, will undoubtedly not change after being joined in matrimony no matter the circumstances or the promises of there love. And that should be considered

I ask you! Why is it then that it is so hard to let go of those feelings for those people who have shown just a little love for us, but care more for themselves.

It’s a common occurrence found in many every day lives, in fact, it almost seems to happen to everyone! There is always something that seems to bind or tie us to that someone we so dearly love. And in it we seem to base our whole love for them.
Take for example,
A date of a young couple out on the town and at some point the young women slips and falls and the young man is right there on the spot to catch her. Now she may think to herself that this man must truly care for her to risk falling himself, just to catch her and keep from hurting herself.

This is not the best example by all means, but it explains my point. So lets look into it, the man could be rude by nature and not care about the young women or her interests at all. But rare few are cold enough not to try to help someone in a state where the other is falling! so he would be doing the right thing to risk himself to help his date. But does that make him a worthy suitor for the young lady? Should she now rethink her feelings for this man and base her feelings of affection on that one act of courtesy? I think not! Anyone looking for a companion in this life should first look at the direction of ones actions before basing there own feels to reflect upon that one. A man may make a kind remark or do a good deed! But that does not make him a good friend or good suitor! It simply means he got caught up in the moment! A good man should been seen but the amount of his good deeds and words, and the time between there recurrences. My own father once said that “even a bad king can make his people happy every once in a while”
And that is all he said, but I will state the obvious truth, by saying-- but a good king will make his people happy all the time--

It is not easy, and surly as you’ve read this article you’ve thought this at least once or twice. applying the direction needed to change one’s life never is! But I pose this question to those who have thought just that.
Is a life of bitterness and sorrow and pain worth a single act of love? Is not happiness the true goal of every living creature on this earth? If you agree then look into
your relationship and see where the feelings are tied to and for what reason. And how many times has that feeling been reaffirmed! And how much time in between did it take before it was reaffirmed.
It is good to fallow one’s heart! But not when the heart can no longer see clearly

Like the stranger walking in the fog! Unless he waits for it to disperse! He’ll only walk himself in circles, stumbling and falling, making no progress. Until he sits himself down and waits so that he can see clearly the choices of the road before him.


  1. We were talking about this last night, but I think one point we didn't get to in our discussion is deliberation. Do we honestly sit back, disconnect ourselves from the situation, and look at our relationships? A common fault for me is just that. When I truly care about someone I rarely step back and look at things from different angles. Probably because deep down I know something is wrong, but I am too scared to open my eyes. I am afraid that I will see what is wrong and then I will become responsible to end things. And that is never an easy task.
    You are right on about "the stranger walking in the fog." I think we are all lost in our relationships until we decide to want what is right, not easy or comfortable.

  2. I think we feel we can change them,that they need us therefore we are needed.We also feel sorry for them in a way.I was in the same position on/off for 3 yrs,the worst part is wen they dont/wont admit they hav a problem! theyr ''socializing''.unfortunantly like myself i/we hav to learn the hard way. my mothr only finally admittd to me the beginning of last yr she was an alcoholic,unfortunantly it was almost 30yrs too late. Just be ther wen she needs you,i hope she sees a way out soon,unfortunantly we cant help who we fall in love wit as they say